


Scars I No Longer Hide

by leenaelizabeth



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: AU, Alcohol, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Mentioned Drug Abuse, Secret Relationship, boys in tuxedos, declan has a party, mentioned child abuse, pynch - Freeform, they don't know how to communicate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-05 05:32:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13381206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leenaelizabeth/pseuds/leenaelizabeth
Summary: Ronan invites Adam to Declan's fancy party. Feelings ensue.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Wanted to write another fic, and this happened lmao. I don't know when this is set, or if it's canon or an AU (most probably the latter), but I hope you enjoy!

Adam Parrish was mad. Not at anything in particular, just everything and anything. He was mad at the world, he was mad at his shitty situation, he was mad at himself. Nothing particularly bad had happened that day, nothing to warrant Adam feeling the way he did, but he had woken up in a bad mood and it had stuck.

He had always known he did not have the privileges most people had. He had a roof over his head, yes, and he had an education, sure, but he didn’t have the most vital part of growing up. Love. His parents didn’t love him, he had figured that out when he was five, but neither did anyone else. He was a loner, a weirdo. He didn’t have friends, and he had long since accepted the fact he would probably be alone for the rest of his life.

He had been beaten up by his father since he could remember. Adam had been born afraid, had been born suspicious of any nice action done towards him. He didn’t trust people, because people could lie. They could lie as easy as breathing, and they wouldn’t have any guilt. Adam had been lied to enough to know this, to not question it.

He had begun to trust when he met Blue, when they had become… Whatever it was they were. But then she broke him as well, and it had hurt more than normal. Maybe because he had feelings for her, feelings he had never felt before. Maybe it was because she liked Gansey, but still dragged him along. Adam wasn’t mad at that anymore, didn’t harbour any ill feelings towards Blue. She was his friend, and he had realised they were better off this way. But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt sometimes, to see her looking at Gansey the way he must have looked at her. They way no one would ever look at him.

“Parrish,” Someone shoved Adam’s shoulder, breaking him out of the pity party in his head. Ronan Lynch was looming above Adam, who was sitting on the grass in the courtyard of Aglionby Academy. “Day dreaming about me again?” Ronan smirked before dropping to the floor, landing in a heap next to Adam.

“Always.” Adam replied, almost sourly. Ronan was the only other person that Adam had felt something different for, something other than friendship. He didn’t know what it was, if he even had a crush on him, but it was something. It didn’t scare Adam as much as he thought it would. “I’m surprised you’re even here.”

Ronan grunted, pushing himself up and pulling out a packet of chips from his backpack. He opened the bag, took a chip and then offered it to Adam. Adam hesitantly grabbed one, almost groaning when he took a bite. He hadn’t eaten all day, and didn’t have any food at home. He knew his friends would help if he asked them, but his ego was too big to ask for help. He knew they wouldn’t judge him, would probably be more than happy to help out, but he couldn’t do it. It made him sick just thinking about it.

“I am enrolled here.” Ronan said, shoving a handful of chips in his mouth. Adam made a face at him, and Ronan opened his mouth, showing the half eaten food.

“You’re disgusting, Lynch.” 

“You love it, don’t lie.” Sometimes, Adam didn’t know if Ronan liked him or not. In reality, Adam barely knew anything about Ronan. He didn’t know if Ronan was gay, and Ronan never brought anyone home, and it wasn’t just something Adam could _ask_ him. But sometimes… Just sometimes, Adam hoped he was.

They sat in silence for a moment, Ronan offering the packet to Adam every few seconds. Adam was grateful, and he knew Ronan knew that. He wondered if it was that obvious, how much he was struggling. Apart from Blue, the other boys had never known struggle. They had always had what they wanted when they wanted it. There was never any hunger, never any wondering whether you would be able to pay for rent if you bought a packet of noodles. They were safe, secure in their wealth. They would never know how it was to struggle, they would never relate to him, but that was okay.

“I need to ask you something.” Ronan said after a moment, staring straight ahead. He seemed nervous, fidgeting with the sleeve of his shirt.

“Go ahead.” Adam sat up straight, trying to ignore his heart pounding. He was nervous, he had no idea what was coming, what Ronan was going to ask.

“Declan is having a stupid party, do you want to come with?” Ronan’s sentence came out in a rush, his words almost tripping over themselves.

“Isn’t that more of a Gansey thing?” Adam took another chip from the packet. He couldn’t imagine himself at a fancy party, he didn’t even have a tuxedo or anything, which he knew would be the dress code. He couldn’t afford a tuxedo, anyway.

Ronan seemed to deflate, he rubbed his hand through his hair. “Will you go?” Ronan completely ignored Adam’s words, refusing to look at him.

“I don’t have anything to wear.” Adam said, feeling almost ashamed by the fact he didn’t have an expensive suit. It was stupid, to feel embarrassed due to this, and he knew it. No one expected him to have a fancy suit, he had never needed one before.

The last time Adam had worn a suit was to his grandmother’s funeral. She had been the only person in his family who treated Adam like a person, like he meant something. No one else bothered, no one else cared. But his grandmother had been in the process of adopting him when she had a heart attack, had been going through the system to try and get Adam out of his home. His parents hadn’t known, but they found out when she died. Adam hadn’t known either, but his father came down on him with all the rage he had. All the emotions of his mother dying and deceiving him came down on Adam, who was only six. The rage had resulted in a broken arm, a fractured collarbone and bruising on his whole body. The doctor didn’t blink an eye when Adam’s mother said that he fell from the swing set, hadn’t seen the pleading in Adam’s eyes to help him, to get him out.

It had taken Adam a long time to get over her death, to mourn. He still missed her, dearly, and it was something that would be with him forever. His arm and collarbone eventually healed, and it made him stronger. It had made him more determined to get out, to make something of himself. He wouldn’t be stuck in a trailer for his whole life. It had made him want to change, it gave him fire.

“I’ll get you something.” Ronan said instantly, “You can pay it off.” He said as an after thought, knowing Adam would try and fight the proposal.

Normally, Adam would have said no. He needed to work, needed the money to survive. But there was something in Ronan’s eyes that made him hesitate, made him consider it. He didn’t know what the expression was, exactly, but it hurt Adam’s heart. “Sure.”

“What?” Ronan turned to face him, surprise evident on his face. He hadn’t expected Adam to say yes.

“I’ll go.” Adam hoped he wouldn’t regret it, that it would be worth it.

Ronan’s face broke into a grin, a real one, something so rare that it made Adam want to cry. He realised, then, that he would do anything to make Ronan smile like that again. Anything and everything. He would kill someone just to see Ronan Lynch grin.

Adam knew he was in too deep.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ronan comes over to study.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A filler chapter, but I hope you enjoy!

Adam stared at himself in the mirror. The tuxedo fitted him like a glove, and Adam briefly wondered how Ronan knew his measurements. It was something he shoved out of his mind as soon as the thought came in, he couldn’t analyse this now.

“How does it look?” Blue called through his bathroom door, and Adam knew she was eagerly waiting on the other side. Blue had brought over the suit, claiming Ronan wanted him to try it on and see if it fit. She never left after dropping it off, however, and seemed keen to see what he would look like dressed up.

“Fine.” The words came out choked, and he coughed before saying, “It looks fine.”

“Let’s see it then.” Blue banged on the door once, showing her impatience.

Something about wearing a suit made Adam feel… unsettled, strange. He couldn’t pin point why, and he couldn’t explain what he was feeling. It was weird, he hated it yet loved it at the same time. Ronan had done a good job at picking the suit, the expensive fabric clinging to his body in a way that made Adam a little self-conscious. His skinniness was on show, and everyone would know that he didn’t come from a well-off family. Adam frowned, staring at his reflection. Why was he even going? He didn’t fit in, he would never relate to the crowd of people going.

“Did you die? Hurry up, Adam.” Blue whined, and Adam sighed before opening the door and walking into the main room of his apartment. The only room, really, but whatever. Blue clapped her hands together when she saw him, “Man, Ronan knows how to pick a suit.”

“I feel stupid. This is stupid. I’m taking it off.” Adam turned to go back into the bathroom. He didn’t know why he felt so embarrassed, so ashamed. In the suit he felt fake, like he was pretending to be something he wasn’t. He didn’t have money, he didn’t even buy the suit. Something about that made his stomach turn.

“No, what? Don’t be an idiot.” Blue grabbed his wrist and pulled him back towards her with surprising strength. “You look great.”

“I feel like a fraud.” Adam sighed, rubbing his hand down his face.

“Because you’re wearing a suit?” Blue asked, then sighed, “It’s just for a night. Plus, Ronan is going to be wearing a suit, too.” She wiggled her eyebrows.

“For some reason, I feel like the world would explode if Ronan wore a suit.” Adam couldn’t imagine Ronan wearing anything but ripped jeans and leather, but the thought of him in a tuxedo made Adam’s stomach flutter. He hated himself almost immediately. Ronan was his friend, he couldn’t think of him like that. Yet, he couldn’t help himself.

“Probably. Now, get changed. We’re getting frozen yoghurt.” Blue pushed him towards the bathroom, making Adam stumble and almost fall, catching himself on the doorway. 

\- - - 

When Adam got back from work that night, Ronan was waiting in the parking lot. The silver BMW’s stereo was so loud Adam could hear it as he turned into St. Agnus’ car park, and he couldn’t help the flash of panic that went through him. Why was Ronan here? Was he going to tell Adam he wasn’t invited to the party any more?

Adam approached the car, trying to calm his racing heart as he tapped on the window. Ronan, who was not paying attention, jumped as he rapped on the glass, accidentally pressing the horn as a result. Adam snorted as the window was rolled down, and Ronan lowered the volume.

“Parrish.” Ronan said in greeting.

“Lynch, why are you in my parking lot?”

“Oh, you own this carpark now? What would Jesus say?” Ronan turned off his car, opening the door. Adam quickly stepped back to avoid getting hit in the face by the door, almost falling into a pot hole in the process.

“I think this was Jesus’ carpark, he would at least fix the pot holes.” Adam said, making Ronan snort. “Why are you here?”

“I have science tomorrow.”

“ _So_?”

Ronan cleared his throat, rubbing the back of his neck, “I have a science test tomorrow.”

Adam stood in stunned silence, before quickly catching up with Ronan who had begun to walk towards his shabby apartment. “Is Ronan Lynch going to study?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Ronan growled, but without any real menace in his voice, “Will you help or not?”

“I will.” Adam said as he pushed open the back door leading towards his home, holding it open so Ronan could shuffle through. The stairwell to his apartment was thin, barely wide enough for one person, so Adam followed behind Ronan as they progressed up the stairs.

Adam realised, then, how dirty he was. Working at a mechanic shop wasn’t clean work, and almost always he came home with oily hands. His hands were caked with black gunk, and he knew he had some on his face also. He had tied the top part of his overalls around his waist, and that too was filthy. He needed to have a shower, but Ronan being there made him nervous. This was so stupid, Ronan was his friend.

When they reached the landing, Ronan let Adam pass to open his front door, and they both piled into the tiny apartment. “I need to shower, make yourself comfortable.” Adam said as he threw his keys into the bowl next to the front door.

Ronan threw himself onto Adam’s small bed, putting his arms behind his head. “I will.”

\- - - 

Halfway through his shower, Adam realised he had fucked up. He had left his towel and his clothes in the other room, and there was no way he could do a nude dash to grab it, not with Ronan there. Cursing, Adam finished his shower before shutting off the water and staring at himself in the mirror for a couple of seconds, bracing himself.

Closing his eyes, he turned towards the bathroom door and cracked it open, “Ronan?” He called. He heard Ronan’s grunt of acknowledgement, “Can you grab me a towel?” At least with a towel, he wouldn’t be completely nude when he had to get clothes, which was better than nothing. Adam heard Ronan stand and waited a couple seconds before a towel was thrown towards the bathroom door. Adam quickly grabbed it, wrapping it around himself before taking a deep breath and exiting the bathroom, basically running towards his dresser.

“Did I end up in a porno without realising it?” Ronan asked, and Adam stuck the finger up at him as he rustled through his clothes, finding ones suitable to sleep in, before making his way back to the bathroom.

\- - -

When Adam emerged from the bathroom, it was a while later. He hadn’t meant to stay in there for so long, and it had mostly been due to nerves. He had been a mixture of scared and nervous to walk out of the bathroom, of seeing Ronan again. He didn’t know if it was due to the fact that Ronan had seem him half naked, with just a towel wrapped around him, or if Adam was being delusional. Being around Ronan made Adam feel like he was going crazy, but he wasn’t sure if it was in a good or a bad way. Ronan made Adam feel alive.

Immediately, Adam froze when he saw Ronan laying on Adam’s bed. He had an open book on his chest, asleep. Something about seeing Ronan asleep broke something inside of Adam, especially knowing how little it happened. But Ronan was able to sleep here, in Adam’s bed, without fear.

Adam made his way over to Ronan’s sleeping body, and slowly took the book from his chest, careful not to wake him up. He made a noise in his sleep, and Adam froze for a couple seconds before proceeding. He managed to get the blanket from under Ronan, placing it over him. Adam watched him for a moment, he couldn’t help it. Ronan looked peaceful when he slept, nothing like he was when he was awake.

When Ronan slept, it was easy to forget the trauma the boy had gone through. The angry man was replaced with someone who looked fragile, soft. Adam wanted to touch his face, press his lips to his forehead. Instead, he grabbed a spare pillow and blanket and laid on the floor next to the bed.

Closing his eyes, Adam felt at peace for the first time in months.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not the biggest fan of this chapter, and its more of a filler than anything. If you find any errors, let me know! I don't proof read anything before I put it up lmao


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam gets ready for the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is mild marijuana use in this chapter. If that offends you, please don't read it. Thanks.

Ronan picked Adam up at 10am on Saturday. 

Adam had managed to get the weekend off from work, and had winced at how much it put him back. He would have to pick up some shifts, but he had no idea how to fit them into his already tight schedule. Sighing, Adam shoved the intrusive thoughts away and he slid into the BMW idling in the parking lot.

Ronan didn’t look at him as he pulled out of the parking lot, the tires skidding as he pushed the car to high speeds. Adam was used to Ronan’s driving by now, but it still scared the shit out of him. He had no idea how Ronan hadn’t been in a car crash yet, and the fact that the BMW was still functional confused the hell out of him.

After a couple of minutes of silence, Adam spoke, “Are you okay?”

Ronan didn’t answer for a moment, chewing on his lip. “There are too many people at my house.”

“Really? I thought the party didn’t start until tonight?” 

Ronan made a noise of disgust, “The prep crew. Caterers, decorators. You’d think Declan was planning a wedding with how many fucking flowers there are.”

Adam snorted, but didn’t reply. They sat in silence for the rest of the ride, and Adam tried to hide his nerves. He had never been to a party before, at least not like the one Declan was throwing. Networking, fancy foods, people who turned their noses up at poor people like Adam. He didn’t fit in, but then again neither did Ronan. Ronan was born into money, had never had to struggle for anything in his life, but he didn’t fit in the typical mold. Not like Gansey did, who basically oozed elegance and prestige. Ronan was a different kind of rich, something that Adam couldn’t quite place.

When they pulled into the Barns, Adam’s stomach twisted painfully. He felt like he was going to be sick, something he very much did not want to do. He did not want to ruin a fancy party by puking on the front steps.

“You look like you’re going to be sick.” Ronan commented as he haphazardly parked the BMW on the gravel.

“Maybe.” Was all Adam replied, trying to ignore how his cheeks burned.

“Don’t worry about it. Just get drunk with me and forget that we’re even here.” Ronan cut the engine, stepping out of the car. Adam followed him, jogging to catch up to Ronan as he made his way towards the house.

“Why invite me if you don’t even want to be here?” Adam asked as they stepped through the door.

“Mum.” Was all Ronan said, as if that was explanation enough. 

The house had transformed since the last time Adam had been inside. Food and drinks covered multiple surfaces, the rest covered in yellow and blue flowers. Ribbons hung from the ceiling and doorways. Ronan had been right. If Adam hadn’t known better, he would have thought someone was getting married.

Adam followed Ronan through the house towards the kitchen, where he could hear voices. People bustled around them as they walked, carrying bouquets and plates of food and drinks throughout the house. This was definitely the most fancy party that Adam had ever been to, and it made his nerves double.

“Ronan!” Aurora called as they rounded the corner, coming into the kitchen. Aurora Lynch looked like something out of a fairytale, and sometimes Adam wondered if she was even real. It surprised him how something so dark and sharp as Ronan had come from a woman as kind and soft as Aurora. But then again, Adam had never met Niall Lynch, and from what he had gathered from Ronan, he had been a tough person to please.

Ronan allowed Aurora to hug him, a grimace on his face. It made Adam snort, seeing him so uncomfortable. Aurora then turned towards him, “Adam, I’m so glad you could make it.” She smiled at him, and it broke something inside of him.

That was how a mother was suppose to view her child, with love and support. It was so different than what he experienced with his own mother. He could barely fathom his mother touching him, hugging him, smiling at him. The Lynch family and the Parrish family were in different leagues, in almost every way that counted. It made Adam sad, but also made him feel warm.

Aurora whisked them upstairs, telling them to get ready for the party. “Declan will be here any moment, hurry!”

Rolling his eyes, Ronan trudged up the stairs, Adam close on his heals. His suit was in a garment bag, and he held it like it was a child. It was probably one of the most expensive things Adam had ever held in his life, and he didn’t even know how much it was. But knowing Ronan, and seeing the suit in person, he knew it wasn’t cheap.

Ronan threw open a door on their left, “Home shit home.” He muttered, and Adam threw him a glare. Ronan ignored it, and closed the door after Adam entered the room, throwing himself down onto the bed. Adam stood awkwardly as Ronan rifled around in his draws, clearly looking for something. He pulled out a tub, grinning as he set it on his bedside table.

“What’s this?” Adam asked after a moment, curiosity getting the better of him. He hung the garment bag on the door handle and stepped closer to Ronan, peering over his shoulder.

“Weed.” Ronan said casually, opening the tub. A bag full of marijuana sat in the tub, along with rolling papers and a lighter.

“Seriously?”

Ronan shrugged, “It helps.” He took out a paper and laid it flat on the table, piling ground out weed onto it. He rolled it up expertly before bringing it to his lips and flicking the lighter. “Wanna try?”

Adam had never tried weed. He drunk, occasionally, but there was that doubt in the back of his mind that he would turn out like his father. An abusive alcoholic. He got fits of rage, anger that he couldn’t control. He knew drinking and smoking were two very different things, but he couldn’t help but bundle them together. He heard very conflicting arguments about marijuana, and he wasn’t entirely sure what he believed.

Ronan saw his hesitation and sighed, “It’s better for you than cigarettes. If you don’t want any, fine, but don’t you dare fucking judge me for it.” He lit the end of the joint, inhaling deeply before blowing out smoke.

Adam hesitated for a moment before holding out his hand, “I’ll try.”

Ronan’s face stretched into a grin, “I have never been more attracted to you, Parrish.” He said as he passed over the joint. Adam tried to ignore his stomach flipping as he brought the joint to his lips and inhaled. Immediately, he began coughing. “It happens the first couple times, don’t worry about it.” Ronan said as he took the joint back, inhaling once more.

It felt nice, helped him relax. He knew it had barely hit him, he had only had one draw, but it was enough to see why Ronan did this. It made everything else feel quiet, made him feel okay. They passed the joint back and forth, and eventually the coughing stopped.

“Do you just keep it here?” Adam asked. They were both sitting on Ronan’s bed, staring at the wall.

“Nah, but I knew I would need it to get through tonight. Speaking of,” He leant forward, and opened a bar fridge Adam hadn’t even known was there. He pulled out two beers, passing one to Adam, “Enjoy.”

Adam nodded, cracking the beer open and taking a sip. “We should probably get ready.”

Ronan snorted, “Mum will have a fit if we don’t come down soon.” He took a gulp of his drink before setting it down next to the tub of weed, standing up and walking over to his closet. He pulled it open, fishing out a garment bag of his own. “You can change in the bathroom. It’s just across the hall.”

Adam nodded once more, standing quickly. He swayed on the spot, the weed seemingly affecting him more once he was standing. Ronan smiled at him again, and grabbed his beer. Adam quickly grabbed his suit and exited the room, his heart pounding. 

He was being stupid. The weed and the alcohol had already gone to his head. He was reading into things more than he should. Ronan was acting different; softer, kinder. Adam didn’t know how to accept it. Maybe it was the weed, though they only had one joint. Shaking his head, Adam made his way to the bathroom. He could get through the night without confessing his love to Ronan, he had to. Because Adam knew Ronan, knew how he would react to it. It wouldn’t be nice. He would flee, probably pretend it never happened. Ronan might actually be mad, and then Adam would have ruined everything. He couldn’t handle that, so he would keep quiet.

It was just a crush, Adam would get over it eventually.


End file.
